Integrity just bitch slapped me in the face...

Integrity is a bitch. And I'm not just referring to my dog who ate all my toffee cover almonds today while I was taking a nap.

It's a bitch in the sense that If you don't stay in integrity with yourself you slowly start to feel like you're the average run of the mill douche bag. Ya know the type. The one that doesn't follow their heart. That obsesses over things being clean and tidy, that cares more about appearance then being genuinly true to themselves. Who's dream's are drowned out by vegetating in front of the TV or the computer reading stupid blogs...

And no, I'm not referring to this blog...of course.

Let me begin.

I took a job transcribing a story for a local self-published author who had hand written the document.

I thought it wouldn't be so bad. He's paying me well. The story is short. Ya know the usual, blah, blah, blah, that goes on in your head to talk you into stupid shit.

So there I was typing away and I suddenly began to realize within the first few sentences that this was the worst piece of literature that had ever been written.

Oh goody.

At about page thirteen I had to verbally tell myself to STOP rolling my eyes as it was distracting from typing.

What also distracted me from typing was me having to stop and rub my forehead and whimper every few pages.

Your probably asking yourself. Could it be that bad?

Well let me just say this, other than the CONSTANT spelling errors and lack of punctuation and grammar, the story is consistent with Leave it to Beaver dialogue which is maddening to me just in itself.

The worst part is that I can't bring myself to honestly tell him that I think his story would better serve mandkind in a fire then as a book.

So I grit my teeth and smile when he asks if I like it, and say "yes" before quickly changing the subject.

Hence the integrity issue. It seemed like I used to be out of integrity all the time without any skin off my back (which is not true, but I'm in denial of that small fact).

But now I say one thing out of Integrity, and I start to feel all...weird. Combine that with transcribing a story that I would rather bomb into a thousand pieces than be responsibly for helping it see the light of day, and I start to feel like a crazy person.

Now as a former therapist, now currently out of work and living in her parents basement, I think I have gosh darned earned the right to psychobabble! And psychobabble I will!

***Psychobabble commence***

Integrity is all about being a part of the whole. When I'm out of integrity I'm out of the whole. And when I'm out of the whole I start to see things logically as being one way or another rather than a part of the larger whole. In turn I start to see myself that way. At which point I begin to judge myself and others. Do you see what I am saying?

***Psychobabble complete***

With that being said I have to point out that that is why I quit my job as a therapist in the first place. To stay in integrity with myself. Because I realized in order to be a therapist you have to be slightly psychotic. And if you're not already that way, being a therapist will make you that way. So if you're wondering if your therapist has mental problems. The answer is yes, and it is likely to be caused by YOU, and your incessant whining and lack of accountability.

Which, again, is why I quit my job. I didn't want to be crazy. Well, MORE crazy than I already am, I should say. I think the turning point was when I find out that the three professors I looked up to in college were all mental. My first one suffering from clinical depression, (no wonder why her class was always an easy A) the other having narcissism, and the third professer cheated on his wife and ran off with my friend while we were presenting at a conference together *awkward*

I guess those who don't do, teach. Which is also why I quit my job as a professer. And live joyfully transcribing horrid stories in my parents basement.

With that being said don't follow in my foot steps. Follow your heart. Always speak the truth, even if it hurts. And don't be a douche.