Submission:

A couple weeks back, I attended a concert... It wasn't a decent sized venue and the turn out was pretty good, until.... The Douche Band started to play... by play I mean make noise at decibel levels so high that it wouldn't surprise me to learn that lawsuits were pending against these noise loving jack-holes.

Maybe it's just me but when I shell out my hard earned cash to go see a band in concert - I actually want to be able to HEAR the music - and not my ears ringing. I was tempted to post the name of the local douche band I'm referring to in this post... but I've forgotten their name - I'll let you decide if that's a fortunate or unfortunate fact.

Now, I love music - all sorts, so don't think this is a genre thing... actually I'm not sure what genre these guys were - is there a genre called Assorted Rock Instruments in a Trash Compactor - Amplified?

You just know these guys have issues with their daddy's... And I'm gonna go ahead and side with their dads on this one... whatever the issue is... quit your noise making and go get a real job - not that being a musician isn't a real job - but it is a job that requires a skill you obviously don't possess... maybe you've heard of it... it's called talent. Coming straight from a fight with dad, who I'm sure prays nightly that his son will come to his senses and do something beneficial with his life before he damages his hearing and or chemically fries his last few remaining brain cells - and really just wants his garage back...

The Douche Band started their sound check... which unlike the other bands that played that evening had nothing to do with ensuring that their instruments were tuned or at harmonizing volume levels to each other. It was all just: more, more, more, higher, higher, a bit more... a little louder, keep it coming, higher, higher if you got it... Then the lead screamer said something like I want it to roar like a T-Rex... and blow people's ear drums... he didn't say that last part, but I'm pretty sure that's what he was after. I know the saying - If it's too loud... and I'll admit, I'm not a big fan of loud, but when a quarter of the audience consisting primarily of 16 - 25 year old's, (and a few straggling old-guys who are there with their teen aged daughters - poor bastards) flee the venue to escape the pain induced by your music and the ones that do remain plug their ears and scream at you to turn it down... that's not enthusiasm for your "music"... it's because your "music" is too loud. Did you hear me? I said... IT'S TOO FRICKEN LOUD!!!!!!! you over modulated douche bag a-holes!

So, mid-way through The Douche Band's set, the drummer of the band we'd come to see came across me and my SO in the lobby with our fingers in our ears and offered us earplugs. (By the way this guy is one of the nicest, sweetest, most dedicated people I've ever met and is one hell of a musician to boot - no noise - just pure talent.) Even with ear plugs it was still too loud to return to the theater, but it was dulled just enough for me to discover what I had suspected from the very beginning - I mean besides these guys having daddy issues... the one benefit of playing so freaking loud... because you suck.

P.S. When the headlining band apologizes for you playing, thanks the audience for sticking around despite you and further, expresses they hope the audience is still be able to hear them play - that's not a good thing. Listen to your poor deaf daddy... give him back his garage and go get a job you're better suited for - like demolition, or something at at gun range maybe... I think you'd like that, guns are pretty loud.

-Douche Anony

Just a short note referring to my last post. My douche friend that was getting weird about the boob job offered me some advice concerning my skin eruption encouraging me to try Apple Cider Vinegar on it, which did the trick! And he has no idea that earlier that day I was douching the crap out of him. I love you douche blog.