Homo-sex-skew-als!

BOO!

There it is. Gayness. Like a scary ghost creeping up on us all. Luckily I've looked at some trends with the gay men and women in my life and realized that there is a way to avoid becoming gay, and gearing our children on a path where they two will avoid falling into the pernicious trap. Prepare to be amazed.

****Before We Begin****
Seriously consider whether you want to keep reading. The choice is yours.

1. Heterosexual parents gotta go. Every gay person I know has two heterosexual parents. Strangely enough most of them are still married. I'm thinking a broken family with maybe a bisexual parent thrown into the mix might protect your children. I don't know. I'm just saying.

2. Men need to get laid at a young age. Every gay man I know never got any action from the opposite sex while they were young. Forget abstinence. Abstinence is for future gays. They go so long without sex that they start thinking their into guys. So if you don't want your son to be gay, best to forget the abstinence speech. (Note: Some of you may be thinking that the reason why they didn't have sex with girls is because they are GAY. Well you know what I say to that! "Blah, Blah, Blah, I can't hear you.")

Oh and for the young ladies out there abistinence is key. We all saw the Seinfeld episode where George turned a woman gay. The key to protecting yourself and your children from becoming gay is to NOT have sex with men. Especially if they have a receding hairline. TRAUMA.

Moving right along.

3. All of them were raised in a church that were pro marriage between a man and a woman. All that pressure to be married to the opposite sex obviously must have been too much to handle so they snapped and went gay. I see it happen all the time.

****Or theres always the other option****

Which would be to embrace in a very lovingly way that gay people are simply that way because that's how they were born.

Which brings me to my next point:

****The Gay Gene****

Yes, it does exist. And the only reason why I write this is because I'm feeling exhausted by people who don't yet know this. It's tiring really. I'm falling asleep just thinking about.

****Warning****
This isn't a particularly funny post. Unless you have a weird twisted sense of humor, which I can appreciate.

So I am debating on whether I should go on a self righteous tirade about other self righteous people that assume being gay has to do with upbringing, or choice, or whatever....

****Important Note****
I chose into the self-righteous tirade.

You know, personally, I'm all up for choosing into something that I would be judged and oppressed for. Who wouldn't choose to be gay and have everyone condemn you and oppress you? Honestly.

****FYI****
My last comment was a joke coming from a smart ass.

Truthfully....

I have a profound respect for anyone who chooses to follow their truth despite what others may think or do to them. Case in Point: Jesus Christ. He was pretty cool like that.

Jesus's whole purpose for his life was to teach about LOVE. Love thy neighbor as thyself. I find that when I do that, I truly realize that my neighbor is more like me than I had previously judged. Case in Point: Gay's choose to live their truth just as I choose to live my truth.

****Another Important Note****
I'm not quite sure if this is a Jesus approved post, due to all the smart ass comments, and self righteous undertones....Unless we're talking about the Jesus I recently picked up for Tijuana.

****However****
Jesus does approve of looking towards other people with love. But it doesn't count if it's the self-righteous "love the sinner not the sin" kind of love which I've already previously douched.

So with that said if you would like more info on the gay gene you can look up Dr. Dean Hamer the person who has been credited for finding it, it's called the Xq28 chromosome.

Dr. Hamer has Phd. from Harvard.

For those of you who have enjoyed the benefits of Prozac and other antidepressants you can thank him for finding the gene for the serotonin transporter.

He's also written a book about The God Gene, believing our spiritual experiences are hard wired into our genes.

Der.

We are God and God is us, why wouldn't he be hard wired into our genes?

Makes perfect sense to me.

Anywho. I really just had to write this post because I was genuinely irritated and couldn't work on my other creative projects because of my rage.

Rage a-hol.

Oh yes.

Very therapeutic.

That's whats great about people today. Forget organizing protests to deal with the rage and create social change. Just blog about it and then forget you ever wrote it.

Nice.

Gotta love the TMI quotes

Shia Lebeouf claims his sense of humor is derived from "seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked -- just weird hippie stuff."

Thanks Shia.