In lieu of recently celebrated Earth Day I would like to take this opportunity to Douche Bag Mother Nature.
Now I’m a fan of Mother Nature just as anyone else. I like going for hikes, listening to the babble of an incandescent river, having delightful conversations with birds, and squirrels, and trees, and rocks, and dirt, and that sort of thing.
It’s not like I’m a tree hugger or anything. Besides trees don’t like being hugged. Would you want to be hugged by random sweaty stranger? Didn’t think so.
So while I love Mother Nature, I often times feel baffled by her lack of consistency in the weather. (Which you can’t always blame on global warming and cloud seeding, but lets do it here just for fun.)
Therefore, I blame global warming and cloud seeding. Oh, and our collective carbon footprint (whatever that means) as being responsible for the weather sucking.
It seriously withers away my soul when, one day, I am frolicking outside without shoes, bathing in the sun, feeling a slight itch of hope that my life perhaps is getting better and the only reason why I’ve been crazy the last six months is NOT because I’m hormonal but because I’m vitamin D deficient, and the sun reminds me I have a reason to live! And then it snows, and the itch of hope becomes the rash of injustice!
That’s why I’m douching Mother Nature, and since I missed Earth Day I’ll throw in a complimentary douche for global warming, and mankind in general for our carbon footprint.
Now I’m a fan of Mother Nature just as anyone else. I like going for hikes, listening to the babble of an incandescent river, having delightful conversations with birds, and squirrels, and trees, and rocks, and dirt, and that sort of thing.
It’s not like I’m a tree hugger or anything. Besides trees don’t like being hugged. Would you want to be hugged by random sweaty stranger? Didn’t think so.
So while I love Mother Nature, I often times feel baffled by her lack of consistency in the weather. (Which you can’t always blame on global warming and cloud seeding, but lets do it here just for fun.)
Therefore, I blame global warming and cloud seeding. Oh, and our collective carbon footprint (whatever that means) as being responsible for the weather sucking.
It seriously withers away my soul when, one day, I am frolicking outside without shoes, bathing in the sun, feeling a slight itch of hope that my life perhaps is getting better and the only reason why I’ve been crazy the last six months is NOT because I’m hormonal but because I’m vitamin D deficient, and the sun reminds me I have a reason to live! And then it snows, and the itch of hope becomes the rash of injustice!
That’s why I’m douching Mother Nature, and since I missed Earth Day I’ll throw in a complimentary douche for global warming, and mankind in general for our carbon footprint.
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