So I have some good news. It wasn't my brother with his child on his lap reading my posts and leaving strange comments.
I started to realize this once the comments were left in Japanese rather than just a random button being pushed.
Then someone had to point out to me that I didn't have a word verification so I was getting spammed by porn sites. Yipee. So with that being said now you have to do a word verification to leave a comment so I don't get absurd comments from Japanese peeps selling porn.
Good day
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Douche of the Decade
I don't really have much to say other than this guy is the a big fat douche. See for yourself:
http://www.goodasyou.org/good_as_you/2009/08/audio-this-culture-war-is-all-fun-and-games-until-someone-wants-to-execute-you.html
Anonymously submitted
I also have to add that I have listened to this big fat douche and have been inspired to become a recruiter. Because I would rather have more Clay Aiken's in the world than bigots.
Isn't he adoreable....
Douche...
http://www.goodasyou.org/good_as_you/2009/08/audio-this-culture-war-is-all-fun-and-games-until-someone-wants-to-execute-you.html
Anonymously submitted
I also have to add that I have listened to this big fat douche and have been inspired to become a recruiter. Because I would rather have more Clay Aiken's in the world than bigots.
Isn't he adoreable....
Douche...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
What the douche?
I'm getting the strange feeling that aliens are trying to contact me through the comment section of my blog to tell me that they are the ones that created the swine flu.
Either that, or my brother (who shouldn't even know I have this blog...)was reading it with his child on his lap.
Check out the link:
http://anonymous-douche.blogspot.com/2009/06/swine-flu.html
The last three comments are pretty telling....
P.S. And if it was my brother reading this then all I have to say is....Hi, and no I'm not going to apologize for previously douching you.
Either that, or my brother (who shouldn't even know I have this blog...)was reading it with his child on his lap.
Check out the link:
http://anonymous-douche.blogspot.com/2009/06/swine-flu.html
The last three comments are pretty telling....
P.S. And if it was my brother reading this then all I have to say is....Hi, and no I'm not going to apologize for previously douching you.
Integrity just bitch slapped me in the face...
Integrity is a bitch. And I'm not just referring to my dog who ate all my toffee cover almonds today while I was taking a nap.
It's a bitch in the sense that If you don't stay in integrity with yourself you slowly start to feel like you're the average run of the mill douche bag. Ya know the type. The one that doesn't follow their heart. That obsesses over things being clean and tidy, that cares more about appearance then being genuinly true to themselves. Who's dream's are drowned out by vegetating in front of the TV or the computer reading stupid blogs...
And no, I'm not referring to this blog...of course.
Let me begin.
I took a job transcribing a story for a local self-published author who had hand written the document.
I thought it wouldn't be so bad. He's paying me well. The story is short. Ya know the usual, blah, blah, blah, that goes on in your head to talk you into stupid shit.
So there I was typing away and I suddenly began to realize within the first few sentences that this was the worst piece of literature that had ever been written.
Oh goody.
At about page thirteen I had to verbally tell myself to STOP rolling my eyes as it was distracting from typing.
What also distracted me from typing was me having to stop and rub my forehead and whimper every few pages.
Your probably asking yourself. Could it be that bad?
Well let me just say this, other than the CONSTANT spelling errors and lack of punctuation and grammar, the story is consistent with Leave it to Beaver dialogue which is maddening to me just in itself.
The worst part is that I can't bring myself to honestly tell him that I think his story would better serve mandkind in a fire then as a book.
So I grit my teeth and smile when he asks if I like it, and say "yes" before quickly changing the subject.
Hence the integrity issue. It seemed like I used to be out of integrity all the time without any skin off my back (which is not true, but I'm in denial of that small fact).
But now I say one thing out of Integrity, and I start to feel all...weird. Combine that with transcribing a story that I would rather bomb into a thousand pieces than be responsibly for helping it see the light of day, and I start to feel like a crazy person.
Now as a former therapist, now currently out of work and living in her parents basement, I think I have gosh darned earned the right to psychobabble! And psychobabble I will!
***Psychobabble commence***
Integrity is all about being a part of the whole. When I'm out of integrity I'm out of the whole. And when I'm out of the whole I start to see things logically as being one way or another rather than a part of the larger whole. In turn I start to see myself that way. At which point I begin to judge myself and others. Do you see what I am saying?
***Psychobabble complete***
With that being said I have to point out that that is why I quit my job as a therapist in the first place. To stay in integrity with myself. Because I realized in order to be a therapist you have to be slightly psychotic. And if you're not already that way, being a therapist will make you that way. So if you're wondering if your therapist has mental problems. The answer is yes, and it is likely to be caused by YOU, and your incessant whining and lack of accountability.
Which, again, is why I quit my job. I didn't want to be crazy. Well, MORE crazy than I already am, I should say. I think the turning point was when I find out that the three professors I looked up to in college were all mental. My first one suffering from clinical depression, (no wonder why her class was always an easy A) the other having narcissism, and the third professer cheated on his wife and ran off with my friend while we were presenting at a conference together *awkward*
I guess those who don't do, teach. Which is also why I quit my job as a professer. And live joyfully transcribing horrid stories in my parents basement.
With that being said don't follow in my foot steps. Follow your heart. Always speak the truth, even if it hurts. And don't be a douche.
It's a bitch in the sense that If you don't stay in integrity with yourself you slowly start to feel like you're the average run of the mill douche bag. Ya know the type. The one that doesn't follow their heart. That obsesses over things being clean and tidy, that cares more about appearance then being genuinly true to themselves. Who's dream's are drowned out by vegetating in front of the TV or the computer reading stupid blogs...
And no, I'm not referring to this blog...of course.
Let me begin.
I took a job transcribing a story for a local self-published author who had hand written the document.
I thought it wouldn't be so bad. He's paying me well. The story is short. Ya know the usual, blah, blah, blah, that goes on in your head to talk you into stupid shit.
So there I was typing away and I suddenly began to realize within the first few sentences that this was the worst piece of literature that had ever been written.
Oh goody.
At about page thirteen I had to verbally tell myself to STOP rolling my eyes as it was distracting from typing.
What also distracted me from typing was me having to stop and rub my forehead and whimper every few pages.
Your probably asking yourself. Could it be that bad?
Well let me just say this, other than the CONSTANT spelling errors and lack of punctuation and grammar, the story is consistent with Leave it to Beaver dialogue which is maddening to me just in itself.
The worst part is that I can't bring myself to honestly tell him that I think his story would better serve mandkind in a fire then as a book.
So I grit my teeth and smile when he asks if I like it, and say "yes" before quickly changing the subject.
Hence the integrity issue. It seemed like I used to be out of integrity all the time without any skin off my back (which is not true, but I'm in denial of that small fact).
But now I say one thing out of Integrity, and I start to feel all...weird. Combine that with transcribing a story that I would rather bomb into a thousand pieces than be responsibly for helping it see the light of day, and I start to feel like a crazy person.
Now as a former therapist, now currently out of work and living in her parents basement, I think I have gosh darned earned the right to psychobabble! And psychobabble I will!
***Psychobabble commence***
Integrity is all about being a part of the whole. When I'm out of integrity I'm out of the whole. And when I'm out of the whole I start to see things logically as being one way or another rather than a part of the larger whole. In turn I start to see myself that way. At which point I begin to judge myself and others. Do you see what I am saying?
***Psychobabble complete***
With that being said I have to point out that that is why I quit my job as a therapist in the first place. To stay in integrity with myself. Because I realized in order to be a therapist you have to be slightly psychotic. And if you're not already that way, being a therapist will make you that way. So if you're wondering if your therapist has mental problems. The answer is yes, and it is likely to be caused by YOU, and your incessant whining and lack of accountability.
Which, again, is why I quit my job. I didn't want to be crazy. Well, MORE crazy than I already am, I should say. I think the turning point was when I find out that the three professors I looked up to in college were all mental. My first one suffering from clinical depression, (no wonder why her class was always an easy A) the other having narcissism, and the third professer cheated on his wife and ran off with my friend while we were presenting at a conference together *awkward*
I guess those who don't do, teach. Which is also why I quit my job as a professer. And live joyfully transcribing horrid stories in my parents basement.
With that being said don't follow in my foot steps. Follow your heart. Always speak the truth, even if it hurts. And don't be a douche.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Dentist
So I was at the dentist yesterday getting a cracked tooth fixed and I can feel the drill with it's squealing insanity piercing my tooth.
Just the usual.
I've told my dentist several times and on several occaisons he's had to give me more of that watchyamacallit, to adequately numb my mouth.
And everytime he says to me:
"Just raise your hand if you're having any pain and we'll fix that because you're not supposed to feel anything."
Then when I do his song changes to:
"Well that's unusual, you're not supposed to feel anything....hmmm....You should be numbed up pretty good."
As if he's doubting me. As if I'm med seeking. As if I want to be poked again and look like a stroke victim after my appointment for the next three hours, with the drooling and what not. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)
But nevertheless after about three more shots, and the loss of feeling in my left ear I could no longer feel the pain.
Douche.
Just the usual.
I've told my dentist several times and on several occaisons he's had to give me more of that watchyamacallit, to adequately numb my mouth.
And everytime he says to me:
"Just raise your hand if you're having any pain and we'll fix that because you're not supposed to feel anything."
Then when I do his song changes to:
"Well that's unusual, you're not supposed to feel anything....hmmm....You should be numbed up pretty good."
As if he's doubting me. As if I'm med seeking. As if I want to be poked again and look like a stroke victim after my appointment for the next three hours, with the drooling and what not. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)
But nevertheless after about three more shots, and the loss of feeling in my left ear I could no longer feel the pain.
Douche.
Science Fiction and Fantasy Huh?
Disgruntled writer seeks to douche!
Today I would like to douche literary agents.... So if you are a literary agent... listen up!
If you say you are interested in science fiction but don't rep a single science fiction writer or work, take science fiction off your 'we accept these genre's' submission list and stop wasting my time! Douche!!! Also, despite what you may have seen on the Sci Fi channel (now SyFy (douches for the name change, but that's another post)...) Witches, the paranormal and pro wrestling are NOT science fiction! You can tell because there's NO SCIENCE!!!! (Sci Fi / SyFy channel - that's a double douche to you for the wrestling - the rest of it I'll let slide, since apparently science fiction and fantasy are best friends - or bleep buddies or something.)
-Douche Anony
Make sure you read the next part of the e-mail they sent me....hilarious.
****WARNING****
It's PG-13 for you innocents.
( I pre-edited the post for language... feel free to exchange the 'bleep' for the 'fuck' that was intended if you like. And feel free to douche this post script remark... I am feeling rather douchy at the moment... Also... while you're at it, douche yourself for not having your own submission guidelines.)
Submitted by a disgruntled douche
Today I would like to douche literary agents.... So if you are a literary agent... listen up!
If you say you are interested in science fiction but don't rep a single science fiction writer or work, take science fiction off your 'we accept these genre's' submission list and stop wasting my time! Douche!!! Also, despite what you may have seen on the Sci Fi channel (now SyFy (douches for the name change, but that's another post)...) Witches, the paranormal and pro wrestling are NOT science fiction! You can tell because there's NO SCIENCE!!!! (Sci Fi / SyFy channel - that's a double douche to you for the wrestling - the rest of it I'll let slide, since apparently science fiction and fantasy are best friends - or bleep buddies or something.)
-Douche Anony
Make sure you read the next part of the e-mail they sent me....hilarious.
****WARNING****
It's PG-13 for you innocents.
( I pre-edited the post for language... feel free to exchange the 'bleep' for the 'fuck' that was intended if you like. And feel free to douche this post script remark... I am feeling rather douchy at the moment... Also... while you're at it, douche yourself for not having your own submission guidelines.)
Submitted by a disgruntled douche
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Guttersize!
A real thing according to my husband who had a brilliant revelation the other day about his gut.
My husband realized that his gut hangs just over the elastic waistband of his underwear. With this realization he presupposed that it was the elastic waistband causing the gut issues, not his addiction to ice cream.
Thus Guttersize happened. An easy process to get rid of that flab with out lifting a finger. All you have to do is wear your elastic waistband just around the prominent bulge of the gut, rather than underneath it.
So Don't lose that gut, simply redistribute it!
Guttersize! Apply directly to the gut!
Guttersize! Apply directly to the gut!
Guttersize! Apply directly to the gut!
(Available at Walgreens)
I can see the infomercial now.
A million dollar idea that we can sell to all those people who believe getting in shape includes fad diets, no exercise, and gut redistribution.
I'm sure in ten years of wearing your underwear waistband like Erkle it will make a smidgen of a difference. Keep it up honey!
***Note***
If you don't know what commercial I'm dually douching right now refer to the videobar.
P.S. I wish I was kidding about this post but I'm not. When my husband explained this to me and group of his friends he was dead serious and has consequently been wearing the elastic waistband of his underwear just around the bulge of his gut. It's hilarious...yet sad.
My husband realized that his gut hangs just over the elastic waistband of his underwear. With this realization he presupposed that it was the elastic waistband causing the gut issues, not his addiction to ice cream.
Thus Guttersize happened. An easy process to get rid of that flab with out lifting a finger. All you have to do is wear your elastic waistband just around the prominent bulge of the gut, rather than underneath it.
So Don't lose that gut, simply redistribute it!
Guttersize! Apply directly to the gut!
Guttersize! Apply directly to the gut!
Guttersize! Apply directly to the gut!
(Available at Walgreens)
I can see the infomercial now.
A million dollar idea that we can sell to all those people who believe getting in shape includes fad diets, no exercise, and gut redistribution.
I'm sure in ten years of wearing your underwear waistband like Erkle it will make a smidgen of a difference. Keep it up honey!
***Note***
If you don't know what commercial I'm dually douching right now refer to the videobar.
P.S. I wish I was kidding about this post but I'm not. When my husband explained this to me and group of his friends he was dead serious and has consequently been wearing the elastic waistband of his underwear just around the bulge of his gut. It's hilarious...yet sad.
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